Friendly Fire Opener Compilation

In Episode 52, Adam hoped that one day there will be a sizzle reel of all the fun Ben-introductions to the show, daisy-chained together.

Welcome to Friendly Fire, the war movie podcast…

1: Three dummies who never went to war reviewing some war movies.
2: A movie podcast where we watch war movies.
3: The podcast that talks about a different war movie every week with two movie nuts and a war history nut.
4: (Adam hijacking the mic) hosted by three cowards talking about bravery (Ben having prepared an intro anyway) It is a show where we decide what is a war movie and what is a snore movie.
5: … where we review war movies, and yet: You are here listening to it!
6: … where two of the hosts are tunneling for freedom, but won't let me in on the escape plan.
7: The show that can't train with weapons, so we train with staves.
8: The show with the hosts who are making a desperate last stand after the other 1200 podcasters fell in battle.
9: It is a show who's hosts are ready to be sold on the idea of surrender.
BONUS: … that we are just going to keep making unless you eventually try to negotiate with us.
10: The show where the hosts were trained to review films about office dramas, but here we are reviewing films about war.
11: … our grandfathers tried and failed to teach us to make, but we are here doing it anyway.
12: The podcast that plays dirty dirty football, but reviews war movies very seriously.
13: … we were only supposed to do for one week in a month and two weeks a year until this George Bush guy became president.
14: … that is so secret, we are willing to beat up a dozen MPs just to keep quiet.
15: … that sounds like it is going to be a right-wing fever dream, but winds up being a touching parable of friendship and camaraderie.
16: … that always makes us hungry, and when we get hungry we reach for a Subway brand sandwich. Whether you are casting pod or engage in insurgent warfare, Subway is always sure to satisfy. Subway: Eat Fresh!
17: … who's hosts can never just drop rank and be friends with each other anymore.
18: Bienvenue à Friendly Fire, le podcast du film de guerre qui n'a pas peur de montrer la brutalité des deux côtés, e un effet la façon dont la guerre de puis les deux côtés de leur humanité. (Welcome to Friendly Fire, the war movie podcast that is not afraid to show the brutality of both sides and the effects of the war on both sides was humanity)
19: … that crash-landed during our first sortie and has been broadcasting from behind enemy lines ever since.
20: … that won't fight because the last podcast we fought with was blinded.
21: … that crayed to get into heaven, but got a rainstorm instead.
22: … that you are only hearing today because the machine is still on, Moira!
23: … that is not putting its weight on the load-bearing parts of the roof.
24: … with three hosts who are ready to impress you with our choreographed answer to enter Susie Q.
25: … that has become a great leader and talks about itself in the third person despite not really having an accent.
26: … where all three hosts have swallowed radios and won't turn them off.
27: … the only war movie podcast hosted by guys who became blood brothers immediately after meeting each other and that is really starting to backfire.
28: We didn't start this war movie podcast to shoot elephants, but today we will make an exception.
29: If you take us out, another war movie podcast will just take our place.
30: … that got a really bad feeling about man (said in a strange intonation).
31: … that could easily be confused with screwy noises coming from the hydrophone.
32: … where we start telling an awful lot of stories, but rarely finish them in a satisfying way.
33: … using the tropes of the monomyth to exploit deep pathways in the human brain for vast returns on investment, because capitalism perverts even artistic expression to its own ends.
34: … we record as we pedal our Weyland-Yutani brand big wheel tricycles all over LV-426.
35: … that has found its Rickles.
36: … in whom the English have limited confidence, so instead of the weapons we asked for they sent us radios.
37: … we shouldn't be sharing with you, but you are a good audience and you have got a right to know.
38: … where ”We made a mistake and some guy don’t walk away. Forever more you don’t walk away!”
39: … that is what happens when you cut the head off a chicken.
40: … where John Roderick will eventually have to order one of his two co-hosts to their certain death, but which will it be?
41: It took 200 years to turn out these other war movie podcasts, it took us 90 days.
42: … where the hosts never went to any academy, but we conquered more than 40 films on our own!
43: … where one host wears yellow, one host wears red and one host wears blue 100% of the time.
44: It would be a pleasure to go to the front in a war movie podcast like this.
45: The Army has its logic, but this war movie podcast has its own.
46: … the can not play this kind of game ourselves, but we can always - how you say - looking for those things quite different, quite rare (in a pretend French accent).
47: … that can be compared to a military operation only in so far as it never goes according to the plan.
48: … that is bullshit, but it is very very good bullshit.
49: Under the circumstances it is impossible to tell the difference between this and a friendly war movie podcast.
50: … where the carpet always matches the drapes.
51: … that is here to serve the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the law, but also a secret fourth thing.
52: … that is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
53: … that isn't allowed to die until it has killed ten other podcasts.
54: … that has its masturbation papers signed in triplicate.
55: The war movie show that puts all of the rotten eggs of podcasting in one basket.
56: … that is viviendo en mal tiempo (”living in the bad times”, should be ”viviendo en los malos tiempos”)
57: … that was just supposed to take pictures.
58: … the war movie podcast that is better than being crucified on the Tree of Woe, but only slightly.
59: … that is like dog: If we will piss on a movie once, we will piss on it twice.
60: … where the intelligence is always bad.
61: … that is a glorified postal service delivering three packages with no protection.
62: … who’s hosts are either in shock or covered in tomato soup.
63: … broadcasting to you live from the punishment hut.
64: … featuring not one, but two future governors.
65: … where the coke is thick, but the ideology is thicker.
66: … where the hosts dunk on each other to the point of being quite irked.
67: The evacuation of Whosehoosts shall not take place! I repeat: Shall not take place!
68: … who’s hosts give first-class husband kisses.
69: … that every week the hosts wonder: "Is this necessary?" and every week we decide: "Yes, our customs are sacred!"
70: … where the hosts knock back glasses of frosty cold milk like there is no tomorrow!
71: … the grooviest war movie podcast ever to be put down on sizzle platters!
72: … who’s hosts are never going to dig in sand for anything ever again!
73: … funded by listener contributions because our Dowry-based business model totally failed.
74: … with enough bang to send us all to Jesus.
75: … hosted by three bomb technicians. If you see us running from a war film, try to catch up!
76: On dragons in the wind I take flight, under one war movie podcast the world unites!

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